I noticed a troll hanging out in my head this week, who was rolling her eyes, saying OH GOD GROSS every time I shared something and telling me everyone thinks I’m weird. Do you have a troll like this? I had a cold so I was extra vulnerable and it took me a while to notice.
Yesterday I pulled out ALL my tools: I drew a picture of the troll, I wrote down what she was saying, I asked questions and tried out opposite statements.
It sounds so silly — I drew a picture of the thoughts in my head and talked to the picture as if she were real. It is silly! I mean look at her:
I like mucking around in the weird mud of the inner world. This is messy, awkward, fumbling, vital work and I love it. It’s ok if it feels gross! EVERYONE thinks they are weird. We can be weird together.
It only took a few minutes of this and I was laughing out loud and feeling grounded and sure of myself again. I worked with the troll instead of trying to push her away, and arrived at something that feels true for me: I like being weird.
(I made a Facebook live video of some of this troll work if you want to see it on its feet)
Who are the trolls in your head who stop you in your tracks?
What do they say?
It’s too late, you missed your chance
You are being ridiculous
What a crybaby
Everyone else knows what they’re doing
Oh no, nothing is going right!
You’re going to lose everything!
What happens when you draw them and ask them questions and try on some different truths?
Your eyes are open to second chances
You are taking things much too seriously
What a loving emotionally healthy adult
Everyone doubts what they are doing
Oh no, everything is going right!
You’ve got nothing to lose!
I’m not saying this solves everything. It shifts the power dynamic inside your brain.
It’s one tiny step up a big ladder.
It doesn’t make the ladder disappear — but it does make climbing the ladder feel possible.
Try some troll work and let me know what you find out!
If you live in Portland and want to do troll work with a team: you can still sign up for Fruition.