Author: Faith Helma

Creative Breakthrough: how I learned to dance

/ Faith Helma / Leave a comment

I was driving yesterday, stuck in traffic, and I don’t know why but I found myself remembering the process of how I learned to love dancing. And it occurred to me that it might be a good story to share, because it involves overcoming fear and awkwardness and that is so central to all our creative journeys, whether they involve dancing or not.

So here it is! The story of my creative breakthrough as a dancer:

… IF YOU DON’T FEEL LIKE WATCHING THE VIDEO, HERE IS THE TEXT …

I love to dance now, but I didn’t always feel that way. For many years I was super self conscious about my dancing. I felt like I didn’t move right, I didn’t get it, I thought I danced like a white girl and that was not a good thing, so whenever I was in a situation where dancing was called for I moved as little as possible and got out of there as soon as I could.

Of course when I was a kid I loved dancing. Every kid I’ve met has loved to dance, and it seems to be a natural reaction to hearing music they like, their bodies just move. So yeah, I loved dancing when I was five but by the time I was ten I was crippled with self-consciousness. And I think this is true for a lot of us, we hit adolescence and we get self conscious, we don’t trust our bodies, we feel like we don’t look right or talk right or move right, so we spend a lot of our energy hiding, and that’s what I did. I can remember standing at the edge of the gym during school dances, arms crossed, terrified and annoyed and waiting for the whole thing to be over.

For me, two things changed this, and I’m so glad they did. they were pretty random.

One of them was this one time at band camp – yes, this is a real story about band camp – when I was about 13. There was some sort of a dance we all had to go to, which normally I hated, but because I was at band camp, there was a freedom to be someone different, to explore different sides of myself. And I felt safe with my new friends and we were all outside our normal lives, so for some reason, the song Rockin Robin came on and I had a reaction of total love for that song and my inner five year old busted out and I started dancing like I was on fire.

And it was really clear to me in that moment that when I loved the music, I loved dancing. It didn’t carry over – I didn’t go home and love dancing from that moment on – but that awareness stuck with me, the joy I felt shedding my self consciousness in that moment.

Flash forward to my freshman year of college. I was hanging out in someone’s dorm room with some new friends. Somehow this girl I didn’t know very well and I got to talking about dancing, and I said, I don’t feel comfortable dancing, I don’t get it, I can’t do it. And she decided right then and there to give me a dance lesson. She put on some music and for about 30 minutes she watched me dance and pointed out to me what I was doing that made me look like stiff and uncomfortable and showed me some moves and helped me get comfortable enough to try them myself.

And I can remember the big aha moment: I thought the problem with my dancing was my flailing, awkward, hopelessly uncoordinated limbs, and my response was to bring them in and move them as little as possible. But she was like, you are barely moving! You gotta get in your body more, really move your body. Your arms and legs don’t matter, what matters is that your hips are moving. Let your arms and legs follow the core of your body.

OH! I’d been so fixated on what not to do, I hadn’t noticed what was missing, And she showed me what that meant, she drew my attention to my hips, and I had time and space to try it out and look stupid and hesitant and practice moving boldly and feeling foolish and laughing at myself and there was nothing humiliating about it. And by the end of those 30 minutes, I felt like I got it. Enough that the next time I was in a situation where dancing in public was called for, I felt confident moving to the music and realized: this is fun! This is a fun way to spend time with people! If I liked someone else’s moves, I could copy them. If the music didn’t speak to me, I could sit it out and jump up when a song I loved came on. I lost my self-consciousness, and now after 20 years of dancing I can say, I am a very confident dancer. This doesn’t mean I’m a good dancer necessarily – I think I am, but in the end it really doesn’t matter – because I like dancing.

When I look back on it, this is such a metaphor for any kind of creativity. You need time and space to move through that awkward phase, to do it badly, to do it wrong, to look stupid, to flail your arms, to hit the wrong note, to draw a shaky line, to write a meandering sentence. And the irony is, when you give yourself that room to do it fully and badly – that is how you move to rocking it.

I’d love to know if you had a formative experience, with dancing or any form of creative expression. What led to your breakthrough?

And if you’d like to join me for a six week process of breakthroughs and creating and failing and practicing being bold in a safe and loving space, the very first online version of my creative magic workout starts April 3! Wooooooo!

Here’s some Dr. John for you to dance along to:

Express Yourself: come up with an imaginary project

/ Faith Helma / Leave a comment

Lately I am feeling even more fired up than usual about awakening our collective creativity.

Maybe it’s because every day I talk to someone who shudders at the thought of dancing or singing in public.

Maybe it’s because our president wants to cut the NEA. (Not to mention Meals on Wheels).

Maybe it’s because arts funding in our country is already so laughable.

Maybe it’s because our education system — which in most places has bare bones arts education, if they have any at all — is gearing up to be gutted even more.

Maybe it’s because our national narrative, going back to the Puritans, is that artistic expression is a waste of time and money, a whimsical luxury, something that has nothing to do with survival or real life. And that’s a narrative that is powerful, one that most of us have internalized. I know I have. I catch myself dismissing art all the time. I don’t have time for that. There are more important things to do. Even though I know art has been essential to my survival and my growth and my health.

I can’t help but think there is a link between the scorn so many people feel for art, and the fear so many people have of expressing themselves creatively.

So, I’m feeling the pull to step up my efforts. I truly feel that every single human being has the capability to dance and sing and draw and write and tell the story of their life — and if you shy away from any of these things, it’s because somewhere along the line, someone made you feel not good enough to do it. That you should be ashamed of your natural expression. That the way your body moved was wrong, somehow, or the way your hand drew a line was too shaky,or the sound of your voice too grating, or the way you formed words too slow.

And I say this not to shame anyone further — we all have our fears, and they are worthy of our respect — but to counter that shame with some encouragement. You are a human being with a body and a voice and an imagination and the ability to use tools. You don’t need to deprive yourself of the great pleasure of using them.

It’s not something you can overcome with a snap of the fingers, I know. Hey, stop being afraid to sing! It’s not that easy. But if you are feeling silly or sheepish or small today, know that you are not alone, and it is possible to overcome your fear, and you have the capability to shine and shimmy and kick ass. You have the right to express yourself.

(My inner trolls are telling me right now that I am laying this on a little thick. Who do you think you are? Nobody cares about your encouragement! Oh, trolls. Don’t you see that this pep talk is 97% to myself? And if I could use encouragement, isn’t it possible that someone else could too?)

Well, if that someone is you, here is a video I made, a mini-lesson on one of the themes I cover in my creative magic workout:

… IF YOU DON’T LIKE WATCHING VIDEOS, HERE IS THE TEXT …

I’m going to share an exercise with you. I call this, imaginary creative project. We’re going to come up with a creative project, just for fun – and we’re going to dream up how we MIGHT pursue it if we WERE going to make it happen – and we’re going to take out any pressure or stress or critical mind shut-downs by telling our subconscious mind that this is for pretend, it’s not for real.

(Don’t tell your subconscious this, but by doing it like this, we might trick ourselves into actually doing it in the real world).

So right now, I want you to get some paper and a pen, close your eyes and take a deep breath. I’m going to play some contemplative music, and I’d like you to think about what you want more of in your life.

What are you craving? What fascinates you? What are you wishing for?

Ask these questions, but don’t try to answer them. Sit with them, and let your hand start to draw on the paper in front of you. Don’t open your eyes, just draw whatever you feel like drawing as you ask yourself those questions.

What am I craving? What fascinates me? What am I wishing for? What do I want more of?

If any words come to you, jot those down too, along with whatever you’re doodling. They don’t have to make sense, you don’t have to understand them, just let your hand draw and write what it wants. I’m going to let you do that for the next 30 seconds, and if you want to spend more time doing this I totally encourage you to do that, and you can just pause the video and start it up when you’re done.

Now open your eyes and look at what you drew and wrote. If you’re like me, it’s probably a ridiculous inscrutable diagram – but just for fun, let’s look at it and see how we could make it into a project. It might take a while, and there’s no rush. See if any patterns emerge.

 

For me, I drew a lot of circles and wavy lines, and I can make out the words magic, carpet, water, connection, elephants, sleep, Beyonce, fruit. Hmm. I guess I can see a pattern, maybe a desire to feel more connected to my dreams at night, to remember them and spend time thinking about them? (I’m leaving out elephants and Beyonce at the moment).

So how might I make this into a project? Here are four things I consider when I’m making something into a project – four things that take it out of the ether of my imagination and root it in the real world:

  1. Give it a name

In my case, I could call it the Dream Recording project.

  1. Make space and time for practicing it

What does practicing look like for my project? How can I include elements I wrote and drew into that?

For my Dream Recording project, I could keep a notebook by my bed and every morning, jot down impressions of dreams. Then twice a week I could schedule in some time to look over what I’ve written and do some freewriting to see if I can recall more about what I dreamed, and what I think it means. I could eat fruit while I do this to make it more enticing, and drink sparkling water.

See how we start to get practical here? We take these amphibious desires and start finding ways to anchor them, to practice them in our daily lives. So for me, that means I am going to schedule time twice a week, for fifteen minutes after I drop my son off at school and before I start working. I will make sure I have fruit and sparkling water with me and sit down to do my magical dreamwriting time.

Now remember: this is still imaginary! I’m not saying I am actually going to start doing this. But if I were going to, that’s what I could do.

  1. Find a way to share it with people

This can be as simple as deciding to tell people. I could tell people, I’ve started writing down my dreams every morning. I could ask them what they’ve been dreaming about. Or I could get all social media and post every day on facebook, here’s what I dreamed today, #dreamfruitproject. Or I could say, at the end of the month I’m going to throw a dream party and invite people over to talk about their dreams.

  1. Set up deadlines

This can sound scary, and part of me always balks at doing this – but all it means is, I’m setting things up to make it easy for me to do this for real. it would be easy for me to say, this is a fun project – and then never do it. but what are the actions I could take that would make it easy and inevitable for me to do this for real?

In my case – it could be as simple as saying, every week when I go grocery shopping, I will make sure I’m buying enough fruit and sparkling water for the week. Special things for me to consume during dream recording time. That also builds in some incentive for me to use them up, so they don’t go to waste.

If it’s a deadline that fills you with dread or takes all the fun out of this project, drop it. but if it gives you a thrill of excitement that scares you a little bit, that’s fantastic.

So I’d like you to do this. Come up with a name for a project, think up some ways you could practice it in your daily life, find a way to start talking about it, and see if there are some simple deadlines you could set for yourself.

And remember: this is all imaginary. This is just for fun. You are under no obligation to go do any of this. But here is the sneaky part: now that you’ve got this project in mind and some ways to make it easy to do, why not give it a shot? For myself, I had no intention of starting a dream recording project before I started this video, but now that I’ve said it out loud to you, it sounds like a great idea, it sounds fun and I think I might try it for a week and see what happens. I encourage you to do this too. Why not try it for a week?

Good luck to you out there. (And if you want to go deeper into coming up with creative projects to bring more joy and connection and fun into your life, this is what we spend six weeks doing in the  Creative Magic Workout. Join us!)

Creating my own beloved community

/ Faith Helma / Leave a comment

Yesterday, because I came down sick for the third time in two months, I took the day to take good care of myself. I haven’t done that since my six beautiful days at Caldera two months ago (which feels like it was six years ago), and my body sent me a message loud and clear: YOU NEED TO REST TODAY. YOU NEED TO BE VERY VERY CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT FOOD YOU PUT INTO YOUR BODY.

So I listened. I rearranged my work schedule. I dropped my kiddo off at school, and then I came right home and lay down to take a little nap that turned into a 3 hour nap.

Then I made myself some nourishing food and did one of my favorite grounding rituals: (1) draw a 2-minute self portrait (2) do 2 minutes of freewriting, (3) circle 7 words and turn them into a poem mantra for the day.

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There are a million things I could / should have been doing, that I’m behind on. Really important things. But you know what? After my day of rest, those things were all still there, but instead of feeling overwhelmed by panicky freefall, I felt calm.

And with that calm comes the clear, gentle message: there is time to do what I need to do. It will be okay. The world isn’t going to crash and burn if I don’t get my flyers up or keep up with my emails or figure out how childcare is going to work when the new baby comes. It’s okay if I don’t share the latest outrage on facebook. I can take the time to rest.

I wish I remembered this more often. I wish I moved through the world like this all the time. I wish it didn’t take three rounds of sickness to force me to listen to my body’s demands to rest. And it’s easy for me to go to a bitter place about that – why don’t we live in a world that values a more balanced way of living? Why do we live in a culture that cherishes busy-ness and working too hard and putting yourself last and never asking for help?

But I could also look at it this way: what do I need to do to create that world? How can I change our culture, starting with myself? What can I do to create my own world that values self care and taking your time and listening carefully and looking up at the sky and asking for help?

It’s easier when you are not alone – when you’ve got a culture to back you up, to reinforce what you think is important. So that’s why one of the key elements of my work right now is building a beloved community.

It starts, as one of my heroes John Lewis so wisely says, with yourself. It starts by moving through the world as if that beloved community already existed – as if the world was the way you wished it to be.

You could call this wishful thinking or even (shudder) positive thinking, but I think it’s very different. It’s not forcing yourself to believe a lie: it’s posing a question to yourself about what you want the world to look like, and how you can embody that world starting now.

So that’s what I’m asking myself today. What does my beloved community look like?

One thing I’m doing to create my own beloved community is leading Creative Magic Workouts! There are still spots open in the live version that starts Monday, and if that isn’t your bag, the online version starts April 3. If my beloved community sounds like yours, contact me and let’s join forces!

The kind of magic I believe in

/ Faith Helma / Leave a comment

Two weeks ago, I finished up the first round of my new solo show / creative expedition. It was incredibly rewarding and fulfilling, which is funny, because at every step along the way, I had doubts about its worthiness as a project and my ability to pull it off.

I can’t tell you how many times I almost cancelled it. And each time, the question came down to — is the risk that this will be a disaster a risk I’m willing to take?

And each time — BARELY — my answer was yes. So I did it. And lo and behold: it was not a disaster. It was wonderful! We performed a ‘What If’ spell to imagine a world where we have what we want. We named the trolls in the room and charmed them into helping us. We summoned champions and felt their energy. We dissolved toxic spells and enacted an ‘As If’ spell to imagine ourselves engaged in a beloved community.

the book of magic is never done
all the trolls
me & my trolls

Someone asked me after the show: well, do you believe in magic?

I was a little taken aback, because to me there’s no question. Are my feelings not clear? Am I communicating something subconsciously, some doubt, some deep lingering hesitation?

But then again, the reason I am working on a show about believing in magic, the reason I’m building a creative workout program around it, is because I frequently forget about it.

It’s easy to find yourself lost in a fog of forgetfulness about what magic feels like and how it works. To feel adrift, floating along at the mercy of elements you don’t understand or control.

For me, when I’m lost in that fog, the way back to magic is through magic. It’s like self care: when I get busy or tired or stressed out, I stop taking care of myself, stop paying attention to my self-talk, stop drinking enough water, give in to the desire to eat starbursts instead of eating actual fruit. I stop drawing self-portraits in my daily dream journal. I forget how important it is to check in with my friends.

And it starts to feel all or nothing. It starts to feel like what is required to get me back into alignment with myself is something huge and insurmountable. When in fact, the way in is through small gestures, small tokens, small footsteps. One drink of water! One drink of water is all it takes for my body to remember what being refreshed feels like. One text to a friend is all it takes to set a time to get together over coffee. Five minutes of sitting with a pen and a blank page of my dream journal is all it takes to draw a self portrait and feel that rush of recognition. Five minutes of walking outside to give all my attention to a tree is all it takes to see some magic at work.

Does that sound silly? I am serious: go outside right now and look at a tree. Or a plant or a flower or a bug. You start to notice things you didn’t see before. And in that noticing, magic starts to creep back in, possibility creeps back in. The awareness that the world is much bigger than you can imagine creeps back in.

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The key for me is this: magic isn’t a THING. You don’t snap your fingers and it’s there, easy to digest. It’s not a pill or a trick or a simple set of directions. It’s a state we can enter, an energy we can feel and a power we can sense.

 

It’s a process and a practice. Magic is both what we are trying to summon, and the way to summon it.

For me, for many years, the practice took the form of live theatre, which uses all the elements of true magic: you create a space. You dim the lights. You invite people to sit in silence. And then you enact a ritual within that silence. You spellbind. You cast spells together. You tell stories. You take people on a journey in their mind.

These days I’m still fascinated with these tools, and with what we can do with them, in or outside of the theatre.

Because I know that in my life – incredible things have happened since I’ve switched the focus of my creative work.

I’ve talked before (here and here and here) about the radical change that came about when I stopped thinking of my life as a vehicle for my creative projects, and instead turned my life into a creative project.

The transition into motherhood 3.5 years ago was a rough one for me, and in order to find my footing, I had to use all the creative tools I could think of to survive. I drew pictures. I wrote poems. I wandered into a zumba class down the street from my house. I made up little songs to sing to my baby son to try (vainly) to get him to sleep.

All these things helped me survive, and the big surprise was, I came out of the transition stronger. For the first time since I was maybe 9 years old, I felt comfortable in my skin. I felt comfortable with my taste and with voicing my ideas, no matter how corny or naïve or half baked they might be. Because for the first time, I wasn’t pursuing them to please or placate or impress anyone but myself.

Since then I’ve become passionate about helping other people do this, because I’ve become more and more aware of how desperately we all need creative work, and how little room we’re given to pursue it. When you’re left to your own devices, it can be hard to pursue – because as soon as you do, trolls start jumping out from under bridges and dragons rise up out of your nightmares to frighten you out of your wits. There are a million ways to sedate that creative urge and not many ways to step into it.

So to answer my friend’s question: that is the kind of magic I believe in. The magic of the creative urge, and what happens when you follow it. It’s there if you start looking for it. It’s there if you take one small step towards it.

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(And if you want to join a Creative Magic Workout, we still have open spots! Heed the call, friend).

Why it’s vital to escape

/ Faith Helma / 2 Comments

I’ve been at Caldera the last two weeks, a gorgeous, remote arts residency near Sisters, Oregon. I haven’t been on an artist residency since before my son was born (actually, the last time I was in residence was four years ago in upstate New York, at EMPAC. I was  pregnant but didn’t know it, though the fact that I cried three times a day while I was there might have tipped me off). I can’t tell you how wonderful it’s been to be in residency again, what a luxury it is to dedicate time and space to recharging my creative spirit. This is what I want for all of us, every human being. Two weeks a year to go to a beautiful place in the mountains and remember who you are and what it means to be alive.

Some of my time here has been with my family, and it’s been fantastic to get away from our everyday lives and go deep into art and nature and snowball fights and hot cocoa together.

But I’ve also gotten to be here by myself for five days and I cannot tell you what a gift it has been. I’m getting a little choked up while I write this. Because as much as I love my family, I didn’t realize until my husband and kiddo drove away how long it had been since I’d had real alone time. With nothing to do but get out my art materials, tape notecards to the wall, and spread out my laptop and keyboard and microphone and cables instead of carefully keeping them out of toddler reach. The first day, I cried every hour or so at the joy of being able to stretch out and putter around and watch the snow fall outside. (This might have something to do with the fact that I’m pregnant again, but I digress).

I say this not to brag about my wonderful alone time, but because I bet there are many of you out there who would love more of this in your life. And the thing is, it’s HARD to make space in your life for doing nothing. For reading or watching a movie or losing yourself in thought.

There are always too many important things that need doing, and now more than ever there is this urgency in the air, the need to take action and not waste time. And yet — AND YET — nothing makes me feel more deeply alive than walking in the moonlit snow and listening to the night. Tending to a fire in the morning, making tea at night. And you know what happens when I feel deeply alive? I get creative, and I get clear, and I move fast.

Nothing creative happens without that vital first step of WASTING TIME. That’s when the huge insights hit! That’s when the clear perfect plan presents itself! That’s when true bonds of friendship are formed, it’s how community is created. Amazing things can happen when you step out of your everyday life, when you give yourself permission to ESCAPE.

My first day alone here, I gave myself full permission to waste time, and had a magical walk and recorded two new songs and put all my ideas for my new show up on the wall and jotted down my business plan for the next year.

The second day, I got nervous about time running out, and thought I’d better get productive. Can you guess what happened? Somehow I ended up spending ALL DAY learning iMovie so I could turn one of the songs I recorded into an impromptu trailer for my new show.

I’m not mad about doing that — I kind of dig what I came up with even though it’s terrible — I’m just saying, it is no accident that the day I gave myself permission to do nothing, I ended up doing a lot, and the day I tried to get all my shit done, I ended up wasting it on something that is at the bottom of my to do list.

Anyway. I’ll be carrying this lesson with me and trying to remember it back in the hubbub of my daily life, as I try to make time to work on my new show, and remember that the most efficient way to work on it is to allow myself time to mess around.

You’ll be hearing more about my show, which is linked to my spring creative magic programs, because I’ve made the decision to do a first showing of it at the Fertile Ground Festival this year. You can read more about it here: Do You Believe in Magic.

And if you’d like to find out about creative magic and how to get some in your life, registration is open, man! Read all about that here: Creative Magic Workouts.

And I will leave you with images from my time at this magical place:

Oh god, and okay, here is the trailer. I know, it’s terrible.

Giving (and taking) advice from your past self

/ Faith Helma / Leave a comment

A creative exercise for freeing yourself from panic, stress and overwhelm

You can watch the video –or– read through the steps below.

I don’t know about you, but I frequently find myself in the grip of panic and stress, especially lately. When there are overwhelming things happening in the world and it feels like there’s nothing you can do, try this:

  1. First, take a deep breath. I like to put my hand somewhere on my body, like on my forehead or over my heart. Somewhere that feels like a loving touch.
  1. Think back to a moment when you most recently felt overwhelmed by stress. Could be five minutes ago, could be last night. Put yourself back there.
  1. Notice everything around you in that moment – the air, the sounds, the smells, what you see, who is with you, what you’re wearing, what you’re saying. You might notice your body now in this moment feeling the sensations that you felt then, and that’s okay. Remind yourself that you’re here now, and you’re noticing those feelings without judgment. Only noticing them and feeling them.
  1. Take a deep breath, and send love to yourself in that moment. Without thinking of what you’d like to change, without judgment, send love and support. The way you would to a friend you love dearly.

Shake it off! Now we’re going to widen our focus.

  1. Think back to a moment ten years ago, a moment that caused you great stress or panic or overwhelm. Put yourself back in that moment when you’re consumed by stress, and look around. Where are you? Who is with you? What are you doing? What sounds do you hear, what do you smell? Are you throwing a tantrum? Are you yelling, are you crying? If it’s overwhelming to you now to put yourself back in that moment, remind yourself that you’re only noticing what you were feeling then, and you can always pull yourself back.
  1. Ask yourself: what do you see now that you couldn’t see then? How do you see the situation differently now? What advice would you give yourself then, knowing what you know now? What would have been helpful to hear? What did you need? Grab some paper and write it down.
  1. Take a breath, and send deep love to yourself in that moment ten years ago. Let her know you love her and believe in her, and you know she’s going to make it.
  1. Bring yourself back to the present moment. Look at the advice you wrote down. Does any of it apply to your current situation, to the thing that has most recently caused you stress? Can you take some of that advice now?
  1. Open yourself up to guidance and love and support from yourself ten years from now. Imagine she is sitting somewhere sending you a breath of deep love. Accept it, and open up to whatever she might know that you don’t know in this situation right now.

And remember:

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You are very brave!

 

 

4 elements of a righteous brag

/ Faith Helma / Leave a comment

One of the things we do in the Creative Workout Group is come up with righteous brags about ourselves.

This might seem like a random tangent — what does bragging about yourself have to do with bringing more creative energy into your life? But I believe learning how to brag is inextricably bound up with making space in your life for creative expression, and here’s why: being creative is not a passive state. It is an action. It’s a choice you make to express yourself, to dedicate time and energy to creative expression.

And that takes courage and confidence and guts.

It takes courage to face down your inner critics who are telling you, this is self-indulgent or this is too hard or you’ve got no talent.

It takes courage to stand up for your right to express your thoughts and opinions and ideas.

It takes courage to own your mistakes and your contradictions and your messy, human life.

And I don’t believe that courage is accidental or genetic — I believe it’s a muscle that can be developed.  It’s why I’m so passionate about connecting people with their creative impulses: because it’s HARD TO DO on your own, and so much easier when you’re surrounded by other people who are doing it too. Other people to inspire you and to show you how inspiring you are. Other people to spur you on and motivate you and make you laugh. Other people to say, it’s not just you, we all struggle with this.

And one of the ways we develop our courage muscles is to notice the hard things we’ve done, notice the things we’ve learned, notice the skills we have, and acknowledge them out loud. AKA: bragging.

Do you find it easy to brag about yourself and what you’ve done? No? Well let me tell you, you are not alone. Whenever I say we’re about the spend the next hour bragging about ourselves, everyone shrinks back and folds their arms and nervous laughter fills the room.

Maybe because we associate bragging with douchebags, blowhards, salesmen and politicians? Maybe because being trapped in a corner with a braggadocious alpha male at a party is the worst corner to be in?

Bragging is one of those elusive skills that you only notice someone doing when they’re doing it badly. Which makes it a tricky skill to master. But when it’s done right, people don’t leave thinking, what a braggart, they leave thinking, damn, she’s a badass. She knows what she’s talking about. I love her ideas.

In other words, we can learn how to brag conscientiously, thoughtfully and righteously, in a way that draws people in, impresses and engages them, gets them nodding and laughing and agreeing.

I’ve spent a lot of time studying what makes a righteous brag. I’ve studied the masters, I’ve tried and failed and tried again, and I’ve figured out that there are 4 elements you can play with to make your own brags righteous.

Before I tell you what they are, let’s prime the pump. Right now, get out a sheet of paper and write down a list of things you’ve done that you are proud of.

They could be your all time greatest hits. They could be what you’re proud of this week. They can be epic or tiny. And don’t worry about being embarrassed — these are not for sharing with others! This is just a starting point.

So your list could look like this:

I walk a lot
I made dinner last night
I wrote a novel
I’m good at math
I got a raise
I moved to a new city
I run marathons
I’ve got a lot of money in the bank
I am raising a 3-year-old

Now obviously, if you got into a conversation with someone and read that list, that would be a weird conversation, right? So we’re going to take that list of accomplishments and bring them to life using these four elements:

1. Make them measurable. Show us the data, show us what your accomplishment means in numbers and details.

I walk a lot –> I walked ten miles yesterday.

I made dinner last night  –> last night I planned a meal, bought all the groceries, got everything prepped ahead of time and when we got home I got dinner ready in 30 minutes. With two kids circling around me asking when dinner would be ready.

I wrote a novel –> I sat down every day for 365 days and wrote a 300-page novel about a lunch lady named Flo who is secretly a private eye.

2. Make them metaphorical. Use images and comparisons to show us what this accomplishment feels like to you.

I’m good at math –> give me any two numbers and I’ll add them up in my head faster than the speed of light.

I got a raise –> I walked into a room full of sharks and told them what I was worth and they tried to sweet talk, intimidate and circle around me but I didn’t flinch and waited them out and I got that goddamn raise.

I moved to a new city –> I left behind the place where I was born and landed on a new planet. It was like being a lone astronaut in a strange land, cut off and alone. Slowly I found my people and learned how to breathe and built a new life.

3. Sneak them in the back door. The fancy way to say this is, make it a presupposition. This is when you say something and the meaning is implied without you having to say it directly. Sounds complicated, but here’s what I mean:

I’m writing another novel (presupposition: I have written novels)

When I go to France, I always bring my kids with me (presuppositions: I go to France regularly, I have kids)

It’s funny how often I find myself in conversations with wealthy people (presupposition: I talk to a lot of wealthy people)

You can use this way of constructing a sentence to sneak in your brags, which is especially useful for women (I got this idea from The Verbal Art of Self-Defense, which is all about how to use language to defuse conflicts, flip the script and assert our strength without attacking — it’s like judo for conversation, and I highly recommend reading it).

Basically, you sneak in the brag by focusing on something else and pretending that’s your point, and the impressive thing you did is merely an afterthought.

I got a promotion –> When I got promoted to Director of Sales, I realized that I really enjoyed speaking in front of people.

I make dinner every night –> After I get dinner on the table every night, my kids and I like to talk about our day.

I run marathons –> It’s strange how often I end up running marathons.

(If you want to geek waaaaaay out on this, here’s the wikipedia page for different kinds of presuppositions: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Presupposition)

4. Share the whole journey. From down and out to up and coming, from hard living to easy street, from nothing to something, from rags to riches. (Don’t skip to the riches.)

I’m a fast reader –> I was dyslexic as a kid, so I learned to read the hard way, and slowly over time I got to where I can read a 200 page book in one day (measurable).

I’ve got a lot of money in the bank –> My parents had nothing and they scrimped and saved so I could go to college, and I worked nights as a waitress then went to classes every day, so when you see me with my millions (presupposition) and think I have it easy, know that I worked my ass off to get here.

I’m raising a 3-year-old –> three years ago, after 44 hours of labor (measurable) and with the help of my partner, my best friend, my mom and my sister, I gave birth to my baby boy, and the world as I knew it tilted on its axis (metaphor)

So here’s an exercise for you. You can apply these tricks to your list of things you’re proud of — or take it one step further and use it to brag about something silly, like painting your toenails, making yourself a cup of coffee, or winning the spelling bee in 5th grade.

Or in my case: laying down in bed to binge watch all the episodes of Atlanta.

Here’s a video of me demonstrating exactly that. And this is an example of me doing it badly — imagine what it’s like when I’m bragging at full power (presupposition: I am a truly righteous boaster).

What stands between you & what you want?

/ Faith Helma / Leave a comment

It’s a simple question: what do you want?

But in my experience, for women especially, it’s not simple at all.

Even SAYING what we want – to ourselves, in our minds – is difficult.

Try it right now. Ask yourself what you want. I just did it and my brain’s first reaction was to freeze up and go blank.

Then it did a little dance and said, Aghhhhh I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know!

And once I took a few deep breaths and encouraged my little brain to calm down – this isn’t a test, no one will judge you for saying to yourself what you want, you can always change your mind – it admitted that what it wants right now is to lie down in bed and watch Atlanta.

See? There. I admitted what I want.

So once you say what you want, ask yourself this: what stands in the way of what I want?

And then write down the reasons. It’s important to write them down – if you try to do this in your head, you’ll go down all sorts of rabbit holes and tangents and get lost and forget the question.

So write a list.

Here’s mine – why can’t I lie down in bed and watch Atlanta right now?

I’ve got too much work to do
I’m not at home
If I stopped working and went home, that would make me lazy
Too many other things going on
Watching TV isn’t good for me

OK. So you’ve got your reasons. Now turn the list over and ask yourself a third question: what elements of what I want are already happening?

In my case – I am not lying down in bed watching Atlanta. But I’m thinking about doing it, which makes me smile. I’m setting the intention to watch it later tonight when I get home – it’s settling deep into my bones. I’m savoring the moment when I can drop everything and chill out. I’m making the decision to allow myself space and time for that.

Try it yourself and see what comes up for you.

To recap, here are the three questions to ask yourself:

  1. What do I want?
  2. What stands in the way of what I want? (Write the reasons down)
  3. What about what I want is already happening?

There are all sorts of variations on this. You could give yourself two minutes of silence to sit with each question. Instead of writing, you could draw the reasons. Or you could go on a walk while asking yourself each question.

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And if you would like to do this in the company of others – it’s so much more powerful that way! – you have one week to join this fall’s incarnation of the Creative Workout Group.

Registration is open now. It starts Monday October 24. We meet for six weeks. This is a live in-person class (those of you not in Portland: I want to do an online version of this someday!)

It’s an experiment in asking ourselves what we want, then diving into that question, creatively. Think of it like going to yoga every week (or zumba, or pilates, or water babies). It’s a workout for your brain, body and imagination. It keeps your mind and body aligned and it’s also fun. And it costs about the same as a yoga class.

You don’t have to train or prepare or get ready ahead of time. If it calls out to you, you’re ready. Show up, and we’ll take it from there.

What if where you are is exactly where you need to be?

/ Faith Helma / Leave a comment

Hello everyone! How was your summer? Mine was a glorious mess of contradictions, so most of the time I was days behind in my creative self-work, sorting through the various stressors that had hijacked my nervous system.

When I did have time to catch up with myself – to dance around with my kiddo, to sit down and draw and write in my journal and ask questions and breathe – the knot would loosen enough for me to remember: OH YEAH.

Oh yeah – there’s no such thing as doing it perfectly.

Oh yeah – I am a human being and it’s okay to mess things up.

Oh yeah – that’s how I learn: by messing up. It’s okay for me to be honest about it! That’s the only way to learn from it.

Oh yeah – When I don’t have childcare, things go nuts. Right! I’ve been here before. This happened last summer. I can figure this out.

Oh yeah – what works for someone else might not work for me! That’s not because I am a FAILED HUMAN. This isn’t a contest. No one is winning the Best Mom Award.

Oh yeah – I don’t have to be hard on myself! That’s a choice. I can choose to be gentle and loving. When I do that, it’s easier to be gentle and loving with those around me. Especially my sweet little 3-year-old monster who is figuring out how to be a human being too.

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We relearn the same lessons over and over, don’t we? And then get mad at ourselves for not learning it the first time, even though of course we didn’t learn it the first time. Learning is circular and repetitive!

Look at how much you are learning right now. Look at how far you’ve come. Think of where you’ll be a year from now. What if what you’re doing right now is exactly what you need to do to get there?

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That question is a big one in my life.

I first heard it ten years ago, at a workshop led by an Australian performance artist named Margaret Cameron. The workshop was part of an international festival for women theatre artists. I wasn’t sure if I’d made the right choice to fly all the way to Denmark to take part, but here I was, in a workshop led by a woman wearing (in my memory anyway) a flowing muumuu and turban.

I tried to be open-minded but she seemed to be making it up on the spot, leading us on a ridiculous journey across the stage like we were children. I was jet-lagged and grumpy. What am I doing here? What am I supposed to be learning? What is she training us to do exactly? My inner teenager rolled her eyes HARD.

And then something happened. She asked several questions:

What if this is exactly where you need to be?

What if what you’re doing right now is exactly the right thing?

I know it’s not – but what if it was?

What if you are doing exactly what you need to be doing?

Something about these questions made me stop and notice that I had a running commentary in my head of this is dumb, you shouldn’t have come here, you’re not doing this right…

These were familiar thoughts. I realized that in most moments of my life, my brain was buzzing with this refrain.

And how liberating would it be to imagine – not even to believe, but to CONSIDER – that I might be doing some things right.

It felt radical and dangerous and ridiculous all at once. And in that moment, everything shifted. My energy shifted and suddenly this workshop was blowing my mind. Suddenly Margaret Cameron wasn’t some kook, she was a fucking genius.

I remember thinking, I wish I had the courage to do what Margaret Cameron does. To share my silliest, scariest, most heartfelt ideas and not care whether anyone thinks I’m a fool. To patiently wait for people’s resistance to fall away, or not.

Her blithe confidence seemed absolutely alien to me. I thought, maybe when I’m 80 I’ll be ballsy enough to do something like this.

Today I was thinking back to that time, and I realized: holy shit – not only was Margaret Cameron’s question a great exercise in shifting perspective – it was RIGHT.

I was exactly where I needed to be in that moment. I was doing exactly the right thing. Every single thing was the right thing, even the parts I thought I was doing wrong. They all led me to where I am today – a place I couldn’t imagine ten years ago.

I thought I could never be brave enough, confident enough to risk looking like a fool. But here I am!

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Where will I be ten years from now? I can only imagine, and experience tells me the reality will be wilder than my wildest vision.

So what if it’s true for you? What if everything you’re experiencing now is preparing you for where you’ll be in ten years?

Does anything shift when you ask yourself that question?

Magical Creative Activism

/ Faith Helma / 1 Comment

I’ve been avoiding writing here.

That’s something I often do when awful things happen in the world. I get overwhelmed. I retreat. I hide.

One reason I do this is that the kind of work I do — embracing your creative self, reconnecting with your inner child — can feel light and inconsequential in the face of systemic violence or, I don’t know, hundreds of years of white supremacy.

At least, that’s what I was thinking last week. I was thinking, the world needs real change, not my little musings about how to feel good about yourself.

I was thinking that if I want to help change the world, I need to do something Big and Important and Real. Like Activism.

Do you see how my mind was creating a false opposition there?

When you catch yourself in a false opposition, here’s a simple thing you can ask yourself: can they both be true?

In this case: can something be real & practical AND intangible & imaginary?

I asked this of myself, and immediately was like: oh. YES.

Why do I love science fiction? Why do I love The Wire? Why did I devote 15 years of my life to making theater?

Because I believe activating our imaginations can change the world. Because I believe imagining a new world helps bring that world to pass. Because I believe racism feeds on subconscious images that arise unbidden in our minds. Because I believe changing our inner reality changes the actions, assumptions and reactions that flow from it. Because I believe the WAY you change your inner reality is through engaging the imagination.

A world of magical creative activism, where activism and creative inner work co-exist.

Oh yeah! That’s what I am working on and what I’m most passionate about. It’s incredibly worthwhile!

So why did I get stuck in a thought pattern that said it wasn’t, that said activism and creative work can’t coexist?

I was thinking something like: doing this kind of ‘inner creative work’ is self-indulgent, a way to hide from the world instead of engaging with it.

So let’s go deeper with this. Again, when you catch yourself in a false thought, you can question it gently and lovingly. I’m going to walk you through my questioning process around this thought.

Questions:

  • Is inner creative work self indulgent?
  • Am I hiding from the world?
  • How would I like to engage with the world?

Let’s start with the first one: is inner work self indulgent?

If I break down my associations with the word “self-indulgent”, here’s what comes up (I encourage you to do your own excavating of this word, to see what your associations are):

Self-Indulgent

= lazy
= spoiled
= Marie Antoinette
= cake for breakfast
= clueless
= childlike
= no boundaries
= not picking up on social cues
= selfish
= being easy on yourself when you should be tough
= rich white lady
= trust fund kid
= bubble of specialness = delusion = privilege

Here’s the question that arises when I look at this list. If what I don’t like about self-indulgence is the bubble of cluelessness, why would I think that doing creative inner work causes or perpetuates it? Isn’t the reason I do inner self work to burst that bubble — or expand it to bring more ideas and people in? To question my own assumptions and connect with my true self, to help me be more real with myself? And when I do this, doesn’t it make it easier to connect with the outside world?

I mean: yes. So why do I think doing inner creative work would lead me to hide from the outside world?

Let’s look at that second question: am I hiding from the world?

What does hiding from the world mean?

Retreating. Distracting myself. Staying in the house instead of going outside. Not going to a rally or an event because I’m tired or busy or it’s too hard, all of which are excuses to cover up a harder truth I don’t want to look at, which is that I’m scared.

So a question is: could I use my inner creative work to look at this fear without flinching, and to overcome it?

Let’s look at the third question: how would I like to engage with the world?

If I weren’t scared or busy or tired, what would I be doing out in the world that is different from what I’m doing now?

I would be attending more events. I would be talking to more people. I would be starting more conversations.

Who is someone I know who is engaging in the world in this way? Can I imitate them?

  • What exactly are they doing, on a day to day basis?
  • Am I sure they are actually doing it better – or am I basing this assumption off of what I see in facebook?
  • Could I get to know them in the real world?
  • Could I ask them for advice?

So in conclusion: I can use my inner creative work to find out why I’m hiding, to brainstorm ways to step out, and to come up with ways to make it as easy as possible to do it.

That’s the opposite of self-indulgent!

It’s pro-active, patient and thoughtful. It’s taking time to question myself and question the situation. That’s what I would like to see more people doing in the world — so isn’t doing it myself the best way to support that change?

Yes! So there you have it. A world where activism and inner creative work co-exist. Or as I am going to start calling it, Magical Creative Activism.