To continue in the vein I started down earlier in the week, I thought I’d share one thing I do when I find myself in a firestorm of self-criticism (like the one I was in last Friday). It can come on you so suddenly, can’t it? That’s why it’s important to be aware of your own signals — because you are the only one who can tell when your body is slipping over from “I’m a little hungry” to “EAT NOW,” or from “I’m not feeling so great,” to “I HAVE A HORRIBLE CASE OF THE FLU,” or from “That didn’t go so well” to “I AM A MISERABLE FAILURE.” Because when you catch yourself at the first signs, it’s easier to turn it around gently.
In other words, try not to do what I did — try to catch the signs before the storm is raging around you. But you know what? That is another thing I have to remind myself of all the time — that this is not a game of self-evolution, not a thing to win or do once and be done. This is something we are working on all the time. It’s an ecosystem, with checks and balances and weather systems that fluctuate.
So. Here is how I pulled myself out of the frenzy:
STEPS TO REVERSE THE SELF CRITICISM
Step 1: Write down what your inner critics are saying
Here’s what mine were saying last week:
- You’ve got too much to do
- You wasted your day AGAIN
- You can’t get this right
- You are a stressful person
- You suck at managing time
- You made a mess of it
- This always happens (this = trying to do too many things
- You can’t get anything done
- You couldn’t even do ONE thing right today!
- WTF is wrong with you
Step 2: Make a list of things that are the opposite of that (and that also feel true)
Here were some opposites that felt true to me, and/or made me laugh out loud:
- You have just the right amount of things to do.
- You did good work today
- You can get this right
- You are a calming person. You want to help people.
- You suck at wasting time. You could be better at it.
- You get too focused on organizing
- This does not always happen
- You can get things done
- You did lots of things right today
- WTF is not wrong with you. Why the fuck is nothing wrong with you?
Step 3: Read that list out loud